The Nemesis Versus a Grue
by OnyxBird
Summary: AU. While forced to stay in Castle together, Chuck and Bryce rekindle their old friendship over an improvised roleplaying game based on what happened when Bryce sent Chuck the Intersect.
1. Ch 1: The Intersect Vs Boredom

_The Nemesis Versus a Grue_

Summary: AU. While forced to stay in Castle together, Chuck and Bryce rekindle their old friendship over an improvised roleplaying game based on what happened when Bryce sent Chuck the Intersect.

* * *

 _Chapter 1: The Intersect Versus Boredom_

* * *

Castle was silent. In one of the main control rooms, Chuck Bartowski and Bryce Larkin sat on opposite sides of the room. Bryce was scanning through files on the current mission, trying to find a new lead. Meanwhile, Chuck surfed the web on his laptop, trying to _forget_ the current mission. Neither was having much success. After a botched attempt at capturing a high-level Fulcrum operative, both their covers had been deemed compromised. General Beckman had issued strict orders that neither was to leave Castle until further notice.

Chuck sighed. He already read through all the blogs and news websites he normally followed. He'd just caught himself refreshing the current webpage for the fourth time in five minutes, hoping something new would pop up. It was official—he was going stir-crazy. He glanced across the room. Bryce wasn't doing much better, judging by the pen he was drumming against the table. At Stanford, Chuck had been able to tell how well Bryce's assignments were going by that sound of that pen—apparently even CIA training couldn't wipe away all of a person's tells.

Chuck suddenly smiled and returned to his computer. Bryce's instant messaging notification went off seconds later.

 _Chuck Bartowski: Welcome to Zork: Intersect Edition. Start a new game? Y/N._

Bryce's eyebrows rose. He looked across the room at Chuck like he thought he'd gone mad. _And he might not be wrong_ , thought Chuck. He smiled back, innocently. Bryce looked back at the screen, and typed a response.

 _Bryce Larkin: Y._

 _Chuck: It is evening in Burbank, CA. You spent your day working in the Nerd Herd of the local Buy More and attending your birthday party hosted by your sister Emily and her boyfriend "Commander Cool" at the apartment shared by the three of you. As you prepare for bed, an email arrives. It's from your old college roommate, Brad Larson. You and Brad haven't spoken since you were kicked out of college. What do you do?_

Bryce glanced at Chuck uncertainly. He wasn't sure where this was going or whether he wanted to find out. His fingers hesitated over the keyboard.

 _Chuck: You have received an email from Brad Larson. What do you do?_

 _Chuck: Come on! There are only so many things you can do with an email._

Bryce made a decision and started typing.

 _Bryce: I don't think I'm on very good terms with this "Brad" guy. Delete email._

Chuck glared at him. "What?" said Bryce. "I don't want to talk to 'Brad'-he framed me for cheating!" He grinned. "Apparently, I'm not as forgiving as you are. But seriously, I know what happens if I open the email. I want to find out what happens if I don't." Chuck rolled his eyes.

 _Chuck: After a pleasant night's sleep, you go to your regular Nerd Herd job. Your coworkers are weird (as usual), and the job is boring (as usual). That evening, you find that someone has broken into the apartment. Nothing was taken. The burglary is never solved. Some time later, you realize that your hard drive has been defragmented and had the free space overwritten more recently than you recall doing this yourself. You live a long, safe, and boring life until dying of old age. GAME OVER._

 _Chuck: Start new game? Y/N._

 _Bryce: Y._

 _Chuck: You receive an email from Brad Larson. What do you do?_

 _Bryce: Ignore email._

"Seriously?!"

"I don't like 'Brad'!"

"Fine!"

 _Chuck: After a pleasant night's sleep, you go to your regular Nerd Herd job. Your coworkers are weird (as usual), and the job is boring (as usual). Upon arriving home, you find that someone has broken in and utterly destroyed your computer. When you attempt to recover data from the ruined hard drive, you discover that the disk was wiped beyond any hope of data recovery before the computer was destroyed. The police are stumped. You live a long, safe, and somewhat paranoid life until dying of old age. GAME OVER._

 _Chuck: Start new game? Y/N._

 _Chuck: BTW, further attempts to avoid dealing with this email may result in a power outage and subsequent grue attack under cover of darkness._

 _Bryce: Y._

 _Chuck: You know the drill by now. You gonna open Brad's email or what?_

 _Bryce: Open email._

 _Chuck: A prompt from your old Zork game appears on the screen. After some thought, you type your response to attack the troll._

"Wait a second! This is supposed to a role-playing game! You can't just decide my response for me!"

"You took three attempts just to open the email in the first place. You are not going to hijack this into some roleplaying game within a roleplaying game."

"But—"

"You typed the correct response, and that's final! If you try to contradict that, there _will_ be a grue attack."

"Tyrant," grumbled Bryce.

 _Chuck: A series of images rapidly flash over your computer screen. It's mesmerizing, and you can't tear your eyes away. After a very long while, the images stop and everything goes black. You awaken on the floor with a raging headache with your friend Matt standing over you. You and Matt carpool to work every day, and you're late. He wants to know if you're ok. What do you do?_

 _Bryce: Tell him to go away. I've just gotten a supercomputer installed in my head, and I'm running away to join the CIA._

 _Chuck: Are you sure? Emily and Commander Cool are doctors and can have you checked into the psychiatric ward for evaluation if necessary. Matt has their contact information and will call them if he becomes sufficiently concerned about your health and/or mental state. Confirm action? Y/N._

 _Bryce: N._

 _Bryce: Tell Matt I drank too much and have a hangover._

"Is your sister's boyfriend really called 'Commander Cool'?"

"Of course not. 'Emily' and 'Commander Cool' are fictional characters. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental. Ellie's husband is 'Captain Awesome.'"

"Really?"

"Really. If you met him you'd understand. Everything he does is awesome, plus he himself uses the word 'awesome' in every other sentence. Strangely enough, Commander Cool has a habit of saying 'cool' a lot, but that's purely coincidental."

Bryce chuckled. " _Purely_ coincidental."

 _Chuck: Matt says "Hey, dude, how much of the punch did you drink? Maybe I should have mentioned that I spiked it..." His talking is making your headache worse. If you rush your morning routine, you can both get to work only 10 minutes late. What do you do?"_

 _Bryce: Ask Matt to stop talking due to hangover and quickly get ready to leave._

 _Chuck: You rush through your morning routine while listening to the news on the radio. You are interrupted by brief flashes of strange images. You have the strange feeling that some of these flashes are triggered by what you hear on the radio. You are now ready to leave for work. Matt is waiting. What do you do?_

 _Bryce: What do I notice about the images? Is there any pattern? Do I get any information from them?_

 _Chuck: The images appear to be random. You have a strange feeling that the congestion on the 5 is more than normal traffic, but you're not sure why._

 _Bryce: I guess I go to work?_

"Is that a question or a statement?"

 _Bryce: I go to work._


	2. Ch 2: The Nemesis Vs the Workday

_Chapter 2: The Nemesis Versus the Workday_

* * *

 _Chuck: At work, you inform your fellow Nerd Herders about a new catastrophic computer virus on the scene, infecting every computer that visits a certain racy website. The display TVs are tuned in to the news. A news report about the arrival of a general prompts another flash of images. You are suddenly and inexplicably certain that the news report is inaccurate and that the general has already arrived in secret._

"'Nerd Herders'? Is that really what they're called?"

"Yeah...What did you think we were?"

"Well, it's not really something I thought about. But if you're the 'Nerd Herd,' then wouldn't you be a herd of individual 'Nerds'? A 'Nerd Herder' would be an outsider who herds the nerds, not one of the nerds. If everyone in the group is a 'nerd herder,' then wouldn't the group just end up stalled as everyone tries to herd the group in different directions? Besides, if each individual is both a 'nerd herder' _and_ a part of the 'herd,' that implies they're herding themselves—how does that work?"

"Bryce, we're called 'Nerd Herders.' We've been called that since before I was hired. It may not be logical, but that's what we're called. Incidentally, that was not really supposed to be an important part of the scene."

"Hey, you're the one in charge of world-building for this game. Don't blame me if your shoddy terminology is distracting for the player."

" _Fine_."

 _Chuck: At work, you inform the rest of the Nerds about a new catastrophic computer virus on the scene. TV news, images, flash of insight, blah blah blah._

"Happy now?"

"Ecstatic."

 _Chuck: Your day proceeds as usual, until a beautiful blond woman approaches the Nerd Herd desk._

 _Bryce: I smile charmingly and ask her how I can help._

 _Chuck: Sadly, the few social skills you once had have atrophied from years as a professional Nerd and your "charming" smile is a rigid, deer-in-the-headlights grimace. Despite this, years of practice allows "How may I help you?" to roll smoothly off the tongue. In a surprising stroke of good fortune, your awkwardness does not deter the woman. She's having trouble with her phone—a common problem with an easy fix. Fix the phone? Y/N._

 _Bryce: Y._

"So, just curious. What would happen if I didn't fix the phone?"

"Most likely you'd get reprimanded for either gross incompetence or intentionally providing horrible service."

 _Chuck: As soon as the phone issue is resolved, you are interrupted to diagnose a video camera that won't play back a little girl's ballet recital. The father is desperate. The little girl is still in her ballet costume, looking up at you sadly. Help the dad or continue talking to the beautiful woman?_

Bryce groaned. "If I'm a nice enough guy to give that jerk Brad a second chance, there's no way I'm callous enough not to help the dad." He paused before typing, and sighed. "Goodbye, beautiful woman."

 _Bryce: I check the video camera._

 _Chuck: What do you check for?_

"This game requires step-by-step electronics diagnostics? Do you _want_ me to ruin my poor character's credibility as a Nerd Herder?"

"Hah! Even you're calling them Nerd Herders now!"

Bryce sighed exasperatedly. "Fine. Credibility as a Nerd. A geek. A professional diagnoser of ailing electronics. A font of digital camera know-how and expertise—"

Chuck laughed. "I think I've got the picture. Flattery is not going to win this game, but I guess I can cut you a break just this once."

 _Chuck: Your overwhelming electronics expertise and experience prompts you to check first for user error. The good news: you're right—there's no tape in the camera. The bad news: That means the recital footage was never recorded. What do you do?_

Bryce looked from the message to Chuck and back with his eyebrows furrowed quizzically. He opened his mouth to speak, and then stopped. Finally, he said "I really don't know what you expect me to do here. Unless you forgot to mention that my character is secretly a Time Lord or a wizard, I can't salvage recital footage that never existed...If I could, I probably wouldn't be working in a Buy More. Or is this just a twisted joke where the game-master acts like you have a choice, and there's really nothing you can do except tell the guy he's screwed?"

Chuck raised an eyebrow. "You know, for someone who's a super-spy in real life, you're not being very resourceful as a player. Where _are_ you?"

"...A Buy More?"

"Uh-huh. And what does a Buy More sell?" Bryce didn't seem to be catching on, so Chuck prompted again "Especially around the Nerd Herd desk, they sell what?"

"...Video cameras and tapes?"

Chuck face-palmed and sighed. "Yes, Bryce, they sell video cameras and tapes. They also sell other electronics. Like, say, _sound systems_. There are even display sound systems already hooked up so customers can hear them. So, you have a little girl fresh from a ballet recital and still in costume. You have a dad with a video camera _desperate_ for footage of his daughter dancing. You have tapes to insert in said camera. You have a store with a very nice sound system...Please tell me you see where I'm going with this."

"I...could let the little girl perform her routine in the store to be filmed? Can I actually _do_ that?"

"Well, you could theoretically get in trouble if management sees whats going on and objects, but yeah, you can do that. Or you could tell the dad he's screwed and send him away, although you should probably phrase it more politely than that if you want to keep your job."

 _Chuck: You still need to decide how to deal with the dad. Incidentally, the blond woman is still hanging around near the Nerd Herd desk. What do you do?_

 _Bryce: Niceness beckons again. Besides, my nerdy, nice-guy charm seems to be doing the trick so far. I suggest that the little girl re-do her dance on-camera in the store._

 _Chuck: The dance and recording go off without a hitch. Little girl and dad are happy and promise you their undying gratitude. Before you can return to the desk, you are intercepted by your co-worker Howard. He's ticked off about you hijacking part of the store for the dance performance and claims that this kind of behavior is why you won't be considered for the open assistant manager position. By the time you disengage, the woman is gone._

Bryce stared at his screen. "...What?"

"She left, Bryce. While you were busy with the impromptu dance recital and dealing with Howard, she split. Busy woman, probably had things to do."

"But I thought that was Sarah. Did I just derail the whole game?"

"Sarah? What does Sarah have to do with anything? _This_ is a fictional blond woman in a fictional game. It couldn't possibly be Sarah. Actually, I didn't mention it, but I think she told you her name was Sandra."

"Sandra," said Bryce, flatly.

"Yup. Sandra. Pretty sure. Shall we continue?"

 _Chuck: Matt informs you that the blond woman left you her card on the Nerd Herd desk. Her name is Sandra Waller. The rest of the workday is uneventful, and you and Matt drive home. Matt asks to come inside, since his computer is broken (he fell victim to the new computer virus). Do you let Matt come in?_

"See, I told you her name was Sandra. Not Sarah."

"Right. Sandra Waller, who has nothing whatsoever to do with Sarah Walker. Got it."

 _Bryce: Sure, Matt can come in._

 _Chuck: You walk in the door and encounter a masked intruder, dressed head-to-toe in black, and carrying your computer. What do you do?_

"... _That_ escalated quickly," said Bryce.


	3. Ch 3: The Nemesis Vs the Ninja Vendetta

_Chapter 3: The Nemesis Versus the Ninja Vendetta_

* * *

 _Previously on The Nemesis Versus a Grue:_

 _Chuck: You walk in the door and encounter a masked intruder, dressed head-to-toe in black, and carrying your computer. What do you do?_

"... _That_ escalated quickly," said Bryce.

* * *

 _Bryce: I look for a weapon._

 _Chuck: There's a bag of golf clubs next to you._

 _Bryce: I grab a club and approach the intruder._

 _Chuck: The intruder kicks you in the groin, knocks the club out of your hand, delivers two more kicks to your midsection. You bounce off the wall, hit the ground, and curl up in a ball. You whimper a little bit, too._

"You didn't give me a chance to respond to his attacks!" protested Bryce.

"You're a Nerd Herder with no combat experience. That's what happens when you take on a highly-trained opponent."

 _Chuck: Matt tries to attack the intruder as well, with similar results. The computer gets dropped during the fight, and the intruder flees. The next day, you and your Nerd Herd colleagues conclude that neither the computer nor its data are salvageable. Your colleagues suggest that you may be the target of a "ninja vendetta." On your way to buy new locks, you encounter a man who triggers another flash of images, accelerating your growing sense of paranoia. In the middle of your sanity crisis, Sandra Waller returns to the Nerd Herd desk to ask why you haven't called her. In fact, you think you might actually be experiencing the fabled phenomenon of "being hit on." She says she's just moved to the area, and was hoping you could show her around. Do you agree? Y/N._

 _Bryce: Sure!_

 _Chuck: "Sure" is not a Y/N answer. Anarchist._

 _Bryce: Y. :-)_

"I really hope this game doesn't require me to actually navigate through showing 'Sandra' around the neighborhood. If it does, please warn me now, so I can pull up a map."

 _Chuck: You take Sandra to a lovely little restaurant with a mariachi band._

Bryce stared at him disbelievingly. "A mariachi band?"

"Yes, a mariachi band. You're the one who said you didn't want to have to navigate through your options here. Unless you want to take over and try to romance your way through this evening, _while staying in character_ , stop complaining."

 _Bryce: I reflect on how lovely the music here is._

 _Chuck: You bet your ass you do. You have a nice, non-plot-relevant conversation, including numerous accidental foot-in-mouth moments. While walking around the area after dinner, you experience yet another flash of images as a cavalcade of cars passes by. Next, you take her to a nice little club with a live band. The date seems to be going pretty well, until Sandra suddenly insists on leaving the club very fast, and things start getting very weird. Sandra tells you to get in the car and demands your keys so she can drive. Do you agree? Y/N._

"You're not going to share what _any_ of the foot-in-mouth moments were? I mean, as game-master you are trying to set a scene here. I feel like a few...you know..." Bryce waved a hand expressively and tried not to smirk, "world-building details would help me to better inhabit my character."

Chuck eyed him. "'Help you inhabit your character,' huh? Well, particular highlights included suggesting she might be a cannibal, and managing to bring up the topic of both of your exes." He thought better of that phrasing and clarified: "'Both of your exes' meaning her ex and your ex, not two exes of yours."

"What did she _order_?!"

"What did she order? Your idea of world-building details is the menu?"

"Chuck, you just said you—I mean, my character—accused 'Sandra' of being a cannibal. What the heck did she order to make you think 'cannibal'?"

"I did _not_ say I—you, that is—accused her of cannibalism. I said I—you—suggested she might be one. OK, I see where you could have gotten confused on that point. But it had nothing to do with the food. It was just a joke that made sense in context...sort of. It didn't make _that_ much more sense in context, but it made her laugh. I'm just gonna stop talking here."

Bryce laughed. "OK, then. I'll chalk that one up to 'nerdy charm' and 'you had to be there.' Cannibalism references—who would've thought? I'll have to try that sometime."

"Don't. Really. It worked at the time, but I cannot recommend that tactic."

 _Chuck: Do you give Sandra your keys? Y/N._

 _Bryce: Can I tell why she suddenly bailed out of the club? Was there any apparent danger?_

 _Chuck: Everything looked like normal club activity to you, although you don't hang out in clubs enough to really know. You and Sandra had been dancing, at her suggestion, when she suddenly dragged you out the door._

 _Bryce: I ask why she needs my keys._

 _Chuck: You've deliberated too long. She somehow opens the door and starts the car without your keys. She throws the car into reverse at high speed. A large black vehicle seems to be chasing you. It's terrifying. Panic? Y/N._

"It doesn't actually matter what I answer to that, does it?"

"Nope."

 _Chuck: Panic it is._

 _Chuck: After veering around a corner and down a pedestrian staircase backwards, Sandra stops the car, turns to you, and says. "Listen to me, Carl. Those men will hurt you. They're from the NSA, and they're after you."_

"My character's name is _Carl_?"

"Again," said Chuck, "you latch onto the _least_ relevant part of the scene. Yes, your name is Carl. Carl Krakowski. Aren't you at all concerned about why the NSA is after you?"

 _Bryce: I ask Sandra why the NSA is after me._

 _Chuck: Sandra asks "How well do you know Brad Larson?"_

 _Bryce: I tell her "He's a jerk who got me kicked out of college, and I hate his guts."_

Chuck raised his eyebrows. "You're really passionate about this whole Carl-hates-Brad thing."

Bryce shrugged and spread his hands wide. "What can I say? Apparently, I'm a grudge-holder, and it's rubbing off on poor Carl."

 _Chuck: Sandra tells you Bryce is a rogue CIA spy and demands to know when he last contacted you. What do you say? (Note that Carl is a terrible liar.)_

 _Bryce: I tell her "That jerk sent me an email last night that gave me a splitting headache, and it's still ruining my day. I hope you catch him."_

 _Chuck: She wants to know if you opened the email, and if you have a backup of your computer harddrive (you don't)._

 _Bryce: I tell her the truth, because I am apparently a terrible liar. "Yes" and "No," respectively._

 _Chuck: Another agent appears on the scene, gun drawn. Sandra addresses him as "Caleb." He and Sandra start arguing over whether the NSA or the CIA "gets you" first. Sandra points a gun at you to use you as leverage against the other agent, who apparently needs you alive. Do you freeze or run?_

Bryce winced. Chuck wasn't sure if it was at the scenario or the choice.

 _Bryce: I freeze._

"Hm. Interesting," said Chuck.

"What's that supposed to mean? Was I supposed to run?"

"It's a role-playing game. You can do whichever you want. I'm just surprised, considering how you tried to go all Rambo on the burglar earlier. Doesn't seem very 'super-spyish.' Maybe those world-building details helped you get into character after all."


	4. Ch 4: The Nemesis Vs the Morgan

_Chapter 4: The Nemesis Versus the Morgan_

* * *

It was approaching late afternoon, and there had still been no news about the case or any reprieve from Bryce and Chuck's imprisonment in Castle, although their game had made the time pass much more quickly. Bryce had managed to get Carl separated from agents Sandra and Caleb and he was now being pursued by one of the terrorists.

 _Bryce: I take a hard right turn around the corner of the building and stop. I turn and prepare to engage my pursuer._

 _Chuck: Are you sure? You have no weapons, no combat skills, and no training/knowledge in either unarmed or armed combat. You have the strength and physique of a professional nerd (i.e., weak and scrawny). Your pursuer is large and muscular and has a gun. Confirm action? Y/N._

Bryce rolled his eyes.

 _Bryce: N._

 _Bryce: As I run, I look around for something I could use as a weapon. What do I see?_

 _Chuck: You see an alley and buildings. You see some pipes that could serve as blunt weapons, but they are securely attached to the side of a building. You have no idea how to remove them, and they appear too heavy for your scrawny arms to wield anyway. You lack the expertise to recognize and/or improvise any other weapons from your surroundings._

Chuck glanced up, struggling not to laugh. Bryce was glaring at him exasperatedly. "What?," said Chuck. "You're a _Nerd Herd_ employee. You are literally a professional nerd. Why _would_ you know how to improvise a weapon?" Unable to meet Bryce's glare any longer without giggling, Chuck started typing again.

 _Chuck: Your pursuer is getting closer. You are out of breath and beginning to slow down as exhaustion overcomes adrenaline. What do you do?_

 _Bryce: Do I have any combat ability whatsoever?_

 _Chuck: You can perform "the Morgan" as a last-ditch defensive maneuver against physical attack. Based on past experience with schoolyard bullies, you know that this maneuver offers limited and temporary protection against an attack._

"...What is 'the Morgan'?"

Chuck set his laptop aside and rose from his chair. He cleared his throat dramatically, spread his hands, and pronounced, "'The Morgan.' An anti-bully defensive maneuver invented by and named for the illustrious Morgan Grimes, bully-magnet extraordinaire. Behold." He assumed the Morgan pose. "The sideways stance of 'the Morgan' cunningly minimizes the silhouette presented to the bully. The non-dominant hand and the upraised knee shield the groin while the dominant hand is positioned to shield the face and head. During an attack, the dominant hand may be flailed about frantically, like so, in an attempt to deflect blows and distract the attacker. Traditionally, 'the Morgan' is accompanied by a battle cry resembling the frightened squeals of a little girl and sounding something like this: Aaah! Aaah! Aaah!"

He cleared his throat, turned to resume his seat, and stopped short. "...Hi, Casey, Sarah...Progress on the case?"

There was a pause as Casey and Sarah remained in the doorway, staring. "What the hell is going on, Bartowski?," said Casey, glancing suspiciously from Chuck to Bryce and back again.

Chuck shrugged awkwardly. "Um, Bryce and I were playing a text-based roleplaying game and I was...uh, explaining 'the Morgan' maneuver to him."

Sarah was trying not to laugh. "There's a roleplaying game that includes 'the Morgan'?"

"It's a new game. Bryce is playing a Nerd Herd employee who is suddenly dragged into the deadly and dangerous world of spies. He wanted to know what combat abilities his character has. And the answer is...none, except for the Morgan, which Bryce was unfamiliar with."

"I think it would have been easier to just say 'none,'" said Bryce. "The concept is fairly sound, but I don't think one pose really qualifies as a 'combat ability.'"

"Don't judge it too hastily, Bryce," said Sarah, "The Morgan may look harmless, but I have seen it in action. Performed well, it can be very effective, even _deadly_." Seeing Bryce's expression, she hastily clarified, "Deadly to the attacker, not to the guy doing the Morgan. Although, I suppose it could easily go the other way as well."

Chuck nodded sagely, "And fortunately for Bryce, his character is one of the world's foremost masters of the maneuver. Anyway, what brought you guys back here? Did you make progress on the case?"


	5. Ch 5: The Nemesis Vs Reality

_Chapter 5: The Nemesis Versus Reality_

* * *

Casey and Sarah had not, in fact, made any significant progress on the case. As a result, Casey was even grumpier than usual, to the point that Chuck thought he and Bryce might have the better end of the deal after all, being stuck in Castle rather than stuck in the field with him as Sarah was. On the flip side...it also meant that the term of their "imprisonment" was still indefinite and looked long.

 _Chuck: Your pursuer is getting closer. Do you stop and perform 'the Morgan' or continue running?_

 _Bryce: I'm in an alley between apartment buildings, right? Is there a fire escape nearby?_

 _Chuck: Yes. There is a fire escape on a building just ahead._

 _Bryce: I jump, grab the bottom of the fire escape, and climb up._

Chuck looked at him with raised eyebrows.

"What?"

"What part of 'no combat skills' and 'nerdy physique' makes you think you're a parkour master? Your little nerd couldn't make the jump onto a fire escape if he was well rested, much less after spending the last few minutes running for his life. You can barely keep running. Your legs are turning to rubber. If you try to jump onto the fire escape, all you are going to accomplish is a full-speed faceplant into a brick wall."

"Oh."

 _Bryce: Correction: I do_ not _attempt to jump onto the fire escape._

 _Chuck: Good choice. What do you do instead?_

There was no response.

 _Chuck: Hello?_

Bryce stared at the screen in silence for another full minute. Several times, he started to turn and speak, only to return his increasingly-baffled gaze to the screen. He scrolled backward and forward in the message window a few times, but it only seemed to increase his confusion. Finally, he pushed back from the computer and pivoted to face Chuck fully.

"Chuck, how did _you_ get out of this? I'm not seeing a lot of options here. At least not within the constraints of the character you've imposed."

"What do you mean, how did _I_ get out of it?"

Bryce held his hands up placatingly. "I know; I know. 'Carl' is a fictional character, fictional game, blah, blah, blah. But this whole 'game' _is_ based off what happened to you when I sent you the Intersect, right?"

"Well, the beginning was. Not this part. You went off the rails ages ago. I've just been improvising based on what I've learned about spy work since then. I never got myself into this little chase, so I can't tell you how to get out of it. By this point in _my_ version, I had diffused a bomb with a computer virus and was sitting on the beach talking to Sarah about my future."

"Oh...That explains a lot about why you're not dead. And why I'm doing so badly at this 'game.'" Bryce pondered for a few moments. "Poor Carl is pretty screwed here, isn't he?"

"Yeah, pretty screwed. Of course, if he dies—" Chuck glanced back over the most recent string of messages, "make that _when_ he dies, maybe he can go find Brad in the afterlife and ask him for some pointers. That guy just never seems to stay dead."


	6. Epilogue: The General Vs Cabin Fever

_Epilogue: The General Versus Cabin Fever_

* * *

By that evening, poor Carl Krakowski had died twice over.

Carl's first death had been accompanied by a dramatic monologue cursing Brad Larson to the heavens and pledging that Carl's undying hatred for him would endure into the afterlife itself. Chuck, as the magnanimous game-master, had graciously permitted his player this extended death scene with only one snarky comment regarding the remarkable and unprecedented stamina and pain tolerance of the common nerd when it came to delivering dramatic monologues. And the remarkable and unprecedented courtesy of the terrorists waiting for him to wind down before finishing him off.

Carl's second death was described by Chuck in dramatic and gratuitous detail. He still found the inability of "Bryce the super-spy" to function as a lowly Nerd Herder hilarious. The game had actually started off well. Chuck had sworn off providing "hints" this time (although he happily provided merciless teasing every time Bryce attempted to call on out-of-character skills and knowledge). Bryce had easily re-navigated the adventure up to "Caleb" arriving, and had caught on that he needed to decide to run in order to flash on the hotel. However, he had again inevitably veered off-course as he continued to analyze situations more like a spy than a Nerd Herder. He'd gotten progressively more subdued as the game had progressed and he again led Carl to his doom.

 _Chuck: GAME OVER._

 _Chuck: Start new game? Y/N._

There was no immediate response. Chuck looked over and found Bryce frowning intensely at the screen—glaring, really. Bryce leaned back and determinedly stretched his hands and fingers in preparation, without breaking eye contact with the screen, and quietly, fiercely hissed a mantra:

"I'm a nerd. I'm a nerd. I'm a _professional_ nerd. I fix phones; I save little girls' dance recitals; I eat computer viruses for breakfast. I am the hero Burbank deserves, and electronics and niceness are my superpowers. I'm so damn nice, I even forgave _Brad_. I am the master of The Morgan, and terrorists will crumble before it's efficacy. I can _do_ this."

With that, he decisively struck a single key.

 _Bryce: Y_

It was at that moment that Chuck noticed that the screen at the back of the room was lit and displaying General Beckman, who was staring in consternation at a top agent descending into apparent madness. _This isn't gonna be fun to explain._

The End


End file.
